คำบรรยาย (en)

When do you remember your relationship to drugs and alcohol kind of beginning? Probably eighth, ninth grade. But that kind of reachiness started much younger. I think I was maybe around like seven, eight, nine when I started to just like kind of reach for things outside of myself, whether it was a person or food. It's kind of always been present. Just this idea of like, I think I need something to help me manage. And did anyone close to you when you were that young know that you were going through that? I hit it well. I think people that navigate through life managing that way tend to learn secrecy pretty well, pretty quickly. I enjoyed the effect produced by whatever I was doing. It was just to feel different, I think, than how I was feeling. So just controlling and managing my thoughts and feelings. You've talked about how you were raised to have good morals, but alcohol kind of brought out this version of yourself that you really didn't like. I'm a cunt. I was starting to hear stories of what would happen when I was blacking out, and they started progressively getting worse. I basically scared myself into getting help. I had my breaking point, I had my bottom, and it just kind of did it for me. And so then I was like, okay, what do I do? How do I rebuild the foundation? How do I come up with some kind of daily thing to keep me good and develop a spiritual life and find ways to be of service?